BEADS

Someone from Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry (BSSM) prayed for me. She asked me if I do bracelets. I told her "I used to". I used to make bead bracelets when I was in primary school. I always wanted to do it, 'TIL NOW. But I don't have time: I am busy with my ministry and of course, physics.

Being a servant of God who is working out a campus ministry and establishing bible studies within the families in the church, and being an incoming graduating student of BS Physics, I find it hard to find a time to HAVE FUN: do things I enjoy such as making bracelets. Kinda weird huh?! If you know me, as one of the church leaders, you will not even think I want to have a time in making bracelets.

Then God reminded me of my childhood. These were His words: "I have always honored your desires. I know that it had been your dream to have a loving father, or a loving mother. You always look on children having fun with their parents. I am your Father, I can be your Mother. I can go to the parks with you, we can watch a movie together. Make bracelets with you, laugh with you. You can always talk to Me about anything." Then I told Him, "Daddy, I don't want others to feel pain, the same hurts I had: not having a good family". He answered, "Go with them. You always spend time with other people and I'm proud of that. Your heart is always to love people and give your best not to disappoint them. I'm so proud of you".

These bead bracelets symbolize a bond. I have one and God has the other. I can make as many as I can and give it to people, people who needs attention and affection. This is my destiny, to love God and make other people know that they are loved.

Isn't it amazing?

Isn’t it amazing how a Man stays with you after He had known all your weaknesses?

Isn’t it amazing how a Man stays with you after you ran after other lovers and when you come back, all you need to say is “I’m sorry” and He’ll welcome you with loving arms? Isn’t it amazing that He’s beautiful and you’re not but He chose to love you?

Isn’t it amazing that you need to take much time to forget your past but He’s patient enough and He stays waiting for you to move on?

Tell me, isn’t that amazing?

He is my Lover.

He even gave His own life for me, for love’s sake.

Isn’t that amazing?

Isn’t it amazing to learn that when all your friends have forgotten you or people left you because you did something, someone will choose to stay with you?

Tell me, isn’t that amazing? Jesus loves me unconditionally. He chose me. He chose to love me.

Isn’t that amazing?

El-oh-vi-ih

“You cannot give what you do not have”. I grew up in an unhappy family. When I say “unhappy”, it’s a place where you see your parents fighting more constantly than loving. I saw them happy together sometimes but I can count it with my fingers (not including my toes). I was a mean kid. My grandma spoiled me. I go out with her. My Dad loves me, we walk together, we ran together, he carries me; so as my Mom. But we never did it together.

I thought this is really what life is for me, that this is my destiny. When I walk on the parks, seeing happy families, I envy. But what can I do, this is the life meant for me. Not until when I was 16, the turning point of my life. I found the love I was looking for, I understood and felt what it is really like to be loved.

December 26 of 2007, I met a Man named Jesus who loves me more than anything, a Man who loves me for what I am. In that place (church), I found a real family: people who are willing to help you overcome your hurts and pains. God helped me to forgive, to let go of things that had been grieving me for years. I was taught that Jesus is God manifested in flesh, born of the Spirit, of the virgin birth and gave His life for me. That He was punished for the forgiveness of my sins and the healing of my wounds.

Now I know how to love, my new family taught me, the Holy Spirit taught me. God rebuild my broken relationships with my parents, friends, and the people around me. Now I know that I can give love because I have it. And now I know my real destiny: to love people around me and fight for them to be freed of the yesterday’s wounds. Love them as Jesus loves me.

You? What are you fighting for? Is it worth fighting for? Are you certain of your destiny? “If you are not fighting for anything, then you are not capable of living”. I receive and now I choose to give. 

A time to kill and a time to heal

Anger can drive your life.

The moment it happens, you'll become numb
You can't cry
You can laugh but
You can't feel the happiness inside

Expecting to move on
But letting go is hard
Revenge could be your way
But still, it did not go any better.

The next thing would be pride
"I can do it myself " would be heard
When no one wanted to help
Then there comes sorrow.

You'll realize that time heals nothing
And regret the days you're dead
The days you killed yourself
With the knife of hatred.

If you're still driven by it then it's your time to heal.

Hurting on the same thing (a time to love and a time to hate)

Having the same hurt on the same person with the same words.

"I'm not angry at her. But it hurts me so much." I was talkin to good friend awhile ago on the cemetery. And afterwards I find myself cryin and realized that it hurts more. I used to hurt with this years ago but it's not that much beacuse I was a "Who cares?!" person.

And now, I care. I care because I learned to love (God taught me). I care, I love and I get hurt. I just wish I heard those words from other people so that it won't hurt much.

You know you can't trust your emotions, because you should rule over it. When overtaken by this, you'll find yourself hating her and hating yourself because you get hurt. You can't bear pain, no one can! Some people denies this fact and later on become numb: no emotions (empty laughters, can't love and feel loved).

Some things hurt but it makes you stronger, just as I have put it "I learn to become more positive", I learn to increase my faith in praying, no one could help me but God (you know that!). If your environment will be like mine, you'll really learn to believe in yourself, to believe in the gifts God has sent you. Because if you won't, you'll find yourself buried deep in the mud.

The only thing that I can do right now is believe: in God and in myself. He enabled me.

Perfect timing

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

A right time for everything! This is what Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 says (bible). Let's take a look on each on my next posts.

When you don't have reasons to wake up

Sembreak time! But it's not a break for me at all. Still thinking about a lot of things.

WORDS.

Words are enough, sometimes not. Actions still speak louder (as they put it). It builds up, it pulls down. You have a tongue, a tongue that should be used wisely. I didn't! I didn't and it hurt me, I didn't and it hurts her. It hurts you so much when you have heard and said the worst words you could ever take. Why does it hurt? Because you love her.

Truth shall set you free. Do the words I heard the truth? I just hope so it is not, those are half true I guess, because it didn't set me free. It pulled me down and discouraged me to step one more.

After that incident, I don't think I have the reason to wake up. Much has been said. She hurt me and I hurt her back unintentionally, just how like David (psalmist) put it "I'm like an animal when I'm mad". But I woke up, and I'm blogging write now. Things will get better I know, it has always been promised.

I know love does not keep record of wrong and it will be done!

Just when you think you don't have reasons to wake up, look up and believe. Hope and believe, even though what you see in the physical are the things you are much afraid of, because He sees you, He's watching over you. He hears you when you cry.